If your life is torn apart by the death of a loved one, we provide counseling by individuals who care. If drugs or alcohol threaten to destroy your family, we discuss options and resources without judging you. If you’re homeless, we find you shelter. If you’re abused, we work with Child Welfare Services and Adult Protective Services to end it. If you’re depressed and feeling suicidal, we help you find reasons to live. All of our services are free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day.

Child Abuse

Child abuse often is repeated through generations of a family. Abusive parents grow up with childhood images of themselves as bad, worthless, and unlovable. They may have been labeled a "problem child," had trouble making friends, been afraid to trust others, or been lonely. Looking for love at any price, they don't know how to give it themselves or how to cope with the demands of their children.

The effect of abuse on children varies depending on the age of the child, the extent, frequency, and type of abuse, how the child interprets the behavior directed toward him or her, the person's survival instincts, whether there is a significant other person who provides a positive model, and the reaction of the non-abusive parent. Some abused children exhibit no signs of pain. Others dislike their bodies, which are a reminder of the abuse. It's common for abused children to distrust others and perhaps run away, to be timid and shy or bold and aggressive in new situations due to a fear and mistrust of others, to experience learning and speech difficulties, to be restless or hyperactive, to perform poorly in groups, to act out sexually or demonstrate knowledge of sex that is inappropriate for their age, or to resort to "caretaker behavior" in which the child is alert to the abuser's needs and tries to please in order to ward off abuse.

Elder Abuse

• Physical abuse is when physical force results in bodily injury, pain, or impairment. Signs include unexplained bruises or bone fractures, broken eyeglasses, rope burns, and overdose or underutilization of prescribed drugs. Usually the caregiver who’s inflicting abuse refuses to allow visitors to see the older person alone.
  
  
• Sexual abuse occurs when someone has non-consensual sexual contact with an elderly person. Signs include bruises around private areas or unexplained disease or infection of the genitals.
  
  
• Emotional abuse is the infliction of anguish, pain, or distress through verbal or nonverbal acts. Signs include extreme agitation or withdrawal with the elder person exhibiting unusual behavior—sucking, biting, or rocking that’s attributed to dementia.
  
  
• Financial or material abuse is illegal or improper use of an elder person's funds, property, or assets. Signs include sudden changes in an older person's bank account or banking practices (unexplained or unauthorized withdrawals of large sums of money by a person accompanying the elder, the inclusion of additional names on an elder's bank signature card, etc.), abrupt changes in a will or other financial documents, unexplained disappearances of funds or valuable possessions, substandard care provided despite adequate resources, or discovery of an elder person's signature being forged for financial transactions or for the titles of his or her possessions.
  
  
• Neglect is the refusal or failure to fulfill any part of a person's obligations or duties to an elderly person. Signs include dehydration, malnutrition, untreated bed sores, poor personal hygiene, and unsafe or unsanitary living conditions.
  
  
• Abandonment is the desertion of an elderly person by an individual who has physical custody or has assumed responsibility for providing care. Abandonment can occur anywhere—at a hospital, shopping center, or other location.
  
  
• Self-neglect is behavior of an elderly person that threatens his or her health or safety.

Domestic Violence

Annually, six million women in the U.S. are battered and more than 2,000 women are beaten to death. If you're a battered woman, you probably:

• Have low self-esteem.
• Believe in family unity and a stereotypical feminine role.
• Accept responsibility for being battered.
• Suffer from guilt and deny the terror and anger you feel.
• Are socially isolated.
• Are afraid for your life every day.
• Believe that no one is able to help you resolve your predicament.

If you're a batterer, you probably:

• Have low self-esteem.
• Believe in male supremacy and the stereotypical masculine role.
• Blame others for your actions.
• Are pathologically jealous.
• Use drinking or drugs and wife beating to cope with stress.
• Use sex as an act of aggression to enhance self-esteem.
• Don't believe your violent behavior has negative consequences.
• Often experienced or witnessed violence in your parent's home.

Lenore Walker, author of The Battered Woman, describes three main stages in the cycle of domestic violence. The first stage is the buildup of tension triggered by frustrations or particular events in the batterer’s life. This may take days, weeks, or months. The second stage is explosion, where battering occurs. Often the stress level is so high by this time that there’s nothing the woman can do to avoid the beating. The third stage is contrition; the batterer offers abject and effusive apologies, promises "I'll never do it again," and vows to change. This period can last weeks or even months and is the part of the cycle that's seductive. If a woman takes action by going to a shelter, seeing a counselor, filing charges, or seeking a divorce, the batterer's apparent contrition encourages her to think, "This time it's for real. He's been sober, nonviolent, and loving for six months now." Oftentimes the woman drops charges, reconciles, and moves back. This phase doesn't last, though, unless the batterer has gotten real help.

Oftentimes, battering starts or increases when a woman is pregnant. Pregnant women are three times more likely to be battered than non-pregnant women. Moreover, while most women are beaten on the face and chest, pregnant women are beaten on the abdomen. Experts believe that the batterer feels threatened by the potential loss of the woman’s attention, by increased economic pressures resulting from having a baby, or by thoughts of his own mother and the unsatisfactory support he received.

It's difficult for people who haven't experienced domestic violence to understand why someone stays in a battering relationship. Many victims do leave, but the reasons why many others stay are complex. They include:

• Fear. "If I leave, he'll beat me worse when he finds me."
• Economic dependence. "Who’ll support the children and me?"
• Parenting. "A crazy father is still better than no father at all."
• Religious and family pressures to keep the family together.
• Savior complex. "If I stay, I can help him get better."
• Survival. “He’ll follow me if I leave and kill me.”
• Fear of his suicide. "He says he'll kill himself if I leave."
• Fear of being alone and unable to cope with children and home.
• Denial. "It's really not so bad."
• Love. "When he's not abusive, he's loving and caring."
• Duty. "I said I'd stay married to him 'until death do us part.'"
• Guilt. "He says our problems are my fault and he's right."
• Shame and embarrassment. "I don't want anyone to know."
• Identity. Some women need a man to feel complete.
• Optimism. “Things will get better.”
• The Stockholm Phenomenon. Hostages held for a period of time begin to identify with their captors. Women held hostage by batterers live with unending terror and stress, which wears away their ability to resist and leaves them confused, exhausted, and without the energy needed to make changes.

Alcohol Abuse

Initially, alcohol simulates a "high effect." After awhile, though, it slows activity of the brain.

Alcohol abuse can be dangerous. More than 28,000 people in the U.S. are killed each year by drunk drivers. Drinkers have twice as many on-the-job accidents as non-drinkers. Up to 50 percent of all criminal arrests are alcohol-related. Suicide is high among alcoholics.

Whether you're an alcoholic depends on how you react to alcohol, not how often or how much you drink. In the beginning, drinking blocks troubles, melts fears, and reduces tension. By the time you lose control over your drinking, however, you probably have suffered serious personal, job-related, health, and family problems. If you're a problem drinker, you must be ready to face the fact that alcohol is ruining your life and that you can't control your drinking. You have to want to stop before any assistance will be effective.

Drug Abuse

The effects and stages of drug abuse vary depending on the drug.

• Marijuana impairs short-term memory, concentration, coordination, vision, and reaction time. Prolonged use can cause coughing, and lung infections the same as cigarettes.
  
  
• Cocaine makes the heart beat faster and increases the risk of heart failure. It also leads to physical exhaustion, poor concentration, malnutrition, and sexual dysfunction.
  
  
• Ecstasy increases energy and sensuality, hence its popularity. It also increases heart rate and blood pressure, and causes confusion, depression, memory loss, and exhaustion.
  
  
• Heroin produces feelings of profound well-being, followed by drowsiness, nausea, vomiting and, at worst, convulsions, coma, and death. Injecting it can result in blocked arteries and infection from contagious diseases.
  
  
• Amphetamines ("speed, "uppers") increase energy and alertness. They also increase heart rate and blood pressure, decrease appetite, and produce dizziness, restlessness, headaches, and mood swings.
  
  
• Hallucinogens (LSD, PCP) produce different effects depending on the user and whether they're combined with other drugs. Reduced inhibitions, insensitivity to pain, and hallucinations can occur.

Many chronic drug users seem anxious and afraid. Calm words and a nonjudgmental attitude by others generally will make them feel more cooperative and more likely to give good information. Accusations, moralizations, and critical comments tend to heighten anxiety and hostility.

Mental Illness

An estimated 1.3 million people in California have a serious mental illness. More than half (700,000) have been diagnosed with severe and persistent mental illness, which includes schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and major depression.

• Schizophrenia is characterized by bizarre, grandiose, persecutory, or jealous delusions, auditory hallucinations (hearing voices), illogical thinking, blunted or inappropriate moods, and catatonia.

• Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder; a person experiences mood swings that are elevated, expansive, or irritable.

• Depression is a common emotional problem and a natural reaction to stress. Depression becomes more serious, however, when a person becomes immobilized and unable to function in daily life. It can be caused by chemical changes in the body, by a situational life crisis and the way a person responds to the crisis, or by past events thought forgotten. If you’re severely depressed, you don’t feel like your usual self. You may assume that friends and family no longer “know” you and make it difficult for people to communicate with you.

There are dozens of additional mental illnesses. Among the more common are attention deficit disorder (ADD), conduct and anxiety disorders, attachment disorders, oppositional disorders, and eating disorders. Successful treatment most likely requires medication and/or psychotherapy. Even many types of psychosis, where a person’s distorted thinking and perceptions lead to an incorrect belief about what’s real, respond rapidly to proper medication and professional counseling.